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    Jan 11, 2007
    Starting with the (wo) man in the mirror ......cont.
    The revolution of consciousness

    I've made a VOW (so much more than an resolution) to work on creating and being part of good teams.

    As just about everyone that has been following me for that last year or so know.....I have made some costly mistakes in the past with regard to choosing team members and partners.

    It feels so good to be able to admit that and let it go.

    I used to beat myself up....feeling like I was stupid for trusting.....feeling like I should have known.....feeling like people are right when they say things like "black people can't be trusted" (& I'm black and have always been told this by other, most times older, black people).....all feelings that go against my personal constitution and my belief in the good of MY people.

    .......but rather than carrying it like the average and go out and rent a hall for my grand pity party and/or verbal lynching.....I have become even more committed to reaching out more and inviting people into my world. Be the change you want to see in the world - I want to prove that black people can work together. In trying....I realize that its often not an issue of desire...I think most of us want to work together and have some understanding of the notion of working together to accomplish more.........

    [or SYNERGY even........ Examples provided by Wiki:
    Human synergy relates to interacting humans. For example, if person A alone is too short to reach an apple on a tree and person B is too short as well. Once person B sits on the shoulders of person A, they are more than tall enough to reach the apple. In this example, the product of their synergy would be one apple. Another case would be two politicians. If each is able to gather one million votes on their own, but together they were able to appeal to 2.5 million voters, their synergy would have produced 500,000 more votes than had they each worked independently.

    Synergy usually arises when two persons with different complementary skills cooperate. The fundamental example is cooperation of men and women in a couple. In business, cooperation of people with organizational and technical skills happens very often. In general, the most common reason why people cooperate is that it brings a synergy. On the other hand, people tend to specialize just to be able to form groups with high synergy (see also division of labor and teamwork).]

    IMO.......its often the lack of practice that makes people stray away from the original goal or be so quick to believe naysayers, rebel rousers or the other devil agents we have amongst them. This again points to the prevailing issue within black society or how blacks present themselves (and are there for perceived by others) LACK OF EDUCATION. So much of who we are and how we interact with our world is shaped in school. College in particular (especially grad school - most projects outlined in the syllabi are GROUP projects). There is no way that any of us can progress if we do not work with other people (this is true regardless of the setting).

    God has blessed me exponentially with the ability to excuse people's violation of the rules that govern all humans "do onto to others as you would have them do onto you".....I have to chalk my missteps and errors in judgment up to people's lack of understanding of the cycle of life. It is most always a maturity issue. Give them a lil time and they most always realize that at the end of the day........thinking you can do it alone only hurts you in the long run.

    I have resources and still face obstacles ...particularly when it comes to activities that will allow me to build wealth. There is so much that I was never taught....so much advice that I was offered from elders that I never took advantage of..... again....maturity and general short sidedness.

    We all go through it.....

    Unfortunately for some.....they come out on the other side in prison or in their room alone because their manz and dem stop coming around after they are paralyzed during a shoot out in the club parking lot or after they've given birth to the developmentally disabled child and their baby father disappears.

    What we are talking about here is evolution.

    Up til now.....I was afraid to buy a house because I didn't understand the process. (Very few people I know own homes - sad, but true ....some of theses people have damn good jobs) Today..... I am on a mission to buy whole blocks....I want to help revitalize Baltimore - especially in the areas that people foolishly characterize as the "hood". (Black ppl are the most guilty of this).

    I don't know how, but I know I can do it......Want to know why?

    The Hip Hop generation ....those of us that grew up with this dynamic force of nature ....one that has allowed ppl to make something out of nothing.....are so damn fortunate. We can do, become, travel and live anywhere we want (what I should say: or where our money will take us). But we've also grown up as a generation that had everything given to us....because of this we are innately LAZY. We don't even see that our voice is so much louder ....so much more powerful than any generation that came before us.....its so sad that many do not give themselves credit. The Baltimore Hip Hop community has shown me that if you have something even remotely profound to say speak up....people will listen. Folk are so used to hearing nonsense .....that when someone speaks a lil truth it kinda fascinating to them....mmmmmmg go figure. In many ways....the stupidity of most of today's commercial rap music can actually help people that want to talk about something uplifting. It contrasts so much - its like a yellow dress at a black tie affair that it will almost sound refreshing if packaged correctly. I think that conscious ppl need to speak up more (in mew places) and they may find that there are some out here that are receptive to it. I think a lot more ppl are ready for a change in 07.

    Malcolm X may have said it best:

    "White people believe the sky is the limit and black people believe the limit is the sky"
    We come in the world feeling as if only so much is even possible. <----- when did this start? I say when because if this is how it has always been....we would have never had a civil rights movement.
    Black men...yall better wake up soon. Aside from the fact that you are dying in record numbers everyday (Baltimore is just one small city) ......you will eventually cease to matter at all.

    #1 Reason: You don't vote. Those of you that haven't lost the right...think that it don't matter.

    Even if you think politicians are gonna do what they want to do anyway...when ppl vote in large numbers in a given area they become constituents....constituents are the life blood of a politician. He/she is only as powerful as the force that put him in office over his/her opponent. When you vote, it shows that you will not lay down and take what is given to you. Because folk don't vote in the city and because elected officials have no constituents to hold them accountable, most are free to make decisions that benefit them or the forces that put them in office. City Schools are terrible because there aren't enough ppl mad yet. The few parents and organizations that put up a fight on behalf of the children do this on top of work (that thing that most of us say prevents us from doing more for our community)......within out respite....they will never make any hedge way. Until parents realize that if they would stress the importance of education...MAYBE just MAYBE their children won't have to work as hard as you or even fight for a better education for your grand and great grand children.

    How is it that in the areas of the city where there has been a huge housing boom they have new schools (in many instances, charter schools)? <-----Think about that?
    I wonder what kind of school do the kids that live in Canton attend?
    When you are paying $300000 + (and paying close to 4,000 in property taxes) to live in a city row house.....you are gonna make sure the school in your area is good (u can't even afford private school) and if the city doesn't step it up....the city knows the ppl will move....and you know they don't want to do that - the city needs the money.
    I am not saying this so that you will get angry and for real for real....this particular injustice has little to do with race in the conventional sense at all (I know - BIG ADMISSION FROM ME). Its purely economics. If you are not helping the city to make or keep money (paying taxes)....but always costing them money (policing, crime, abuse of subsidies, white flight, etc)....what do you think they will do? what would you do if you were the mayor?
    I feel so sorry for the ppl that can't dissect all of the information before them (unfortunately.....most of this info is found in books or the internet.....DAYUUUUM) and see that we are truly headed for disaster. ....forget hip hop is dying...the notion of being black and proud is dying....(maybe it died with James Brown)....this fact is much more unsettling than seeing an end to the current incarnation of rap.
    This is not to beat up on my brothas (I love yall) ......but in my experience.....a lot of men from impoverished backgrounds make excuses about everything:
    I can't get a job because I got a record......I'm out on these streets cause I have to eat - f*ck the neighbors, the kids, the elders, the property value ....I don't live round here any way. Whether you believe me or not......there are only certain areas that the majority of black ppl can live in Baltimore (its a matter of economics and the city's segregationist past). That being said......if the men (who pride themselves on being the strongest and bravest) don't care about the condition, appearance and future/legacy of the only communities we are being allowed to call home and won't speak up when wrongs are committed (i.e. making drug dealers comfortable in the neighborhood where you pay taxes is in a sense approving their behavior. It is your property value that won't increase. It is your children's financial future at stake) ....you are a punk! but us, women, are the bitches.....LOL! I wish a drug dealer would.
    Is it HATE? They know that they will never own a house or tend a garden....or wash their car in their drive way so.....who gives a f*ck.
    This one blew me away:
    I can't get a job because my baby mothers want to take all my money.

    ...Ya baby mothers wants to take all your money, hunh?....LOL!

    I can't get ahead only making $7 an hour.....

    Broda man, who's fault is it that you only make $7 an hour. You want me to think you are so damn smart, but the only way you can think to make more than $7 an hour is distructive and illegal???

    or what about the ones that at 15 decided
    ....I don't won't to go to no stupid school......but can't even spell school (skool)

    .......This is the same dude who at 30 puts me down because act like I am better than him

    - YES boo! I am better than you. I am not saying you are a "bad person" or that I am a better one, but you simply have not made the decisions in life that would make you compatible to someone that laid a path for a comfortable future.

    This is IMO what is a major contributing factor to the break down of the black family (father and mother under one roof who share in the responsibility of raising children) - folk aren't equally yoked (this is a religious or spiritual word, but I am just using it to say on the same footing or both contribute equally to the union).

    I've had my share of boyfriends that did dirt and up til 03 you could have called me a true rider. I've done all the things that describe the quintessential "wifey" to a hood star and you know what.....I NOW know it makes no difference. Its not like a job or old land lord...I can't use him for a reference...LOL!

    ......I grew ( I finished college, got my own place, went on a few exciting vacations and met new people from different cultures and world views)...he didn't (my last is currently in prison with a hella lot of years to think about where he went wrong) ....so what pray tell was I building...what was I so good for? What did it get me that is tangible and sustaining....NOTHING. ALL of it means nothing when you finally grow up...when you finally start to think about your future and how comfortable you want to be.

    All my male friends who indulged....are in jail or dead* .....they either have criminal records or are permanently paralyzed.... and these guys were players when the game was kinda fair. Now all gloves are off...that is why as of 1.11.07 we've already lost 15 ppl in this city. I bet more than half (if not all) of that number are black.

    *: 1 exception - while his paranoia and extra precautionary way of being seemed a bit melodramatic at the time .....he was the truly smart one. He is truly an enigma .

    These men will prolly never be able to achieve anything that will give the next generation (their legacy) a head start....this is the injustice that we do to our children.

    Black history is going to end up:

    Chapter 1: Slavery (we had no history before that)
    Chapter 2: civil rights movement
    Chapter 3: The Nigga Age - Hip Hop generation
    Chapter 4: Rebirth of a Nation

    ^^^^Fill in the blanks

    Unfortunately.....I don't think my generation will see the rebirth. That's the part that is giving me an ulcer.

    I see so many who have limited their opportunities before they reach the age where you realize that you needed to have already established real roots (a foundation). This is happening to me again as I approach 30 and trying to buy a house. Work and credit history matters. Don't make the mistake of realizing this too late. 18: I want some beef and broccoli timbs. 30: Want to impress....buy me a house.

    I am proud to say....I (a single black woman) can go to a bank and get a home loan for way more money than I ever imagined possible. Spending "OPM" is how you get ahead.
    Can all of you say the same? This is not to brag. The fact that it may come across as braggin is indicative of our problem. At 30....I should be able to do these things. EVERYONE SHOULD!!!!
    we all start with a blank slate in life....if a man from a small village in {insert some third world country} who didn't own shoes until he was 15 and came him with nothing more than the clothes on his back can make it to America and amass a fortune.....we truly have no excuse.

    Plus.....if I have children one day....I know a lil something about life that I can share......I am much more patient now so I listen a whole lot more nowadays....and I know that buying things only makes me feel good for a min...LOL! But you only become this way as you get older, more mature and finally realize that your precious time on this Earth is so so so very short.

    Revolutionary thinking is what I am talking about, people............are you waiting for an invitation?

    check me out on MYSPACE @ www.myspace.com/clove or www.myspace.com/itsbaltimorebaby
    posted by C Love "The Rap Addict" @ 1/11/2007 07:39:00 AM  
    • At Thursday, January 11, 2007 6:24:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

      Very insightful post...it’s about time I have been missing my It’s Baltimore Baby. Any who my friends and I where having a similar conversation and the one thing I realized is that black folks will tear each other apart publicly we do not know how to keep our business in the home and this starts at the top with our “So called Leaders” and I was always taught if the head is messed up then the body has know choice but to follow.

      I work for WOLB a black talk station and it eats me up inside to hear our elders beat one another up verbally. Especially when they know that the power is within their tongue and once a word is spoken…it manifests into what they have created that word to be.

      I have also notice that there is a shift in black folk’s consciousness. More and more of us are so self indulging that we have forgotten where we came from and I’m not talking about growing up in the “hood” or any thing like that. What I’m talking about is once we hit them shores (chapter one in what you where talking about and Your absolutely right we had to history before that, they took that from us). We had know choice but to become a new type of people and we are still figuring that out who we are today. But what pisses me off is when they and even our own people say that we should just forget what happen. Have the Jewish forgotten the holocaust? No they teach there children at an early age their history… Sabbath School any one. But how many of our children know about our history, Slavery, Lynchings, Jim Crow, Black Face and the list goes on and on. Not an enough and that is what I hope to change. Now that have this platform edutainment is what I intend to do Set the captives free lol. No but on some real I want our children to realize what a beautiful group of people we are and all the many contributions we made to make the world a more colorful place. Check this out it’s very disturbing and it made me cry.

      This lets me know we still got work to do and C I don’t do invitations…I crash parties. 2007 is going to be such a good year!!!!

      Civil Jones

    • At Friday, January 12, 2007 8:55:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

      this is a very informative post in m any aspects. I think that unfortunately so many people, brothers especially are fighting such a losing battle that shifting conciousness is the last thing on their mind. I feel so sorry for people especially woman that have not been blessed to know, grow with, learn from,experience and loose the extraordinary men that I have known in my life time and am raising today. The men that people speak of and are thought to be the majority, have always been either nonexistant or the minority in my life.
      The reality is brothers really cant get jobs because they have a record. I have close friends that intervew with fortune 500 companies,are totally honest about their past in hopes that exeptions will be made..offered the job, just to be let go when the background check comes back.I have a brother that was falsly accused at age 19 by an angry ex-girlrfriend that did 3 moths because of madatory sentencing for a gun that was said he had, but never existed that now can't get a job because his lawyer was used to dealing with folks that were guilty and convinved him to plead to a lesser charge. Unfortunately the brothers who have made mistakes in their past and have been able to reab into productive partners in society are the ones stuck making $7.50 an hour. $7.50 an hour don't feed me so what do you think that real man that has a family is going to do? Feed his family no matter what. It's a cycle thats forced. Don't get me wrong there are those that are just lazy have no concept of self community or family and just want to make a fast buck.But its much more than them just waking up. Why should have a record cause you to loose your right to vote? Theses are the people we really need to hear from. I think what we as woman often don't want to admit is that the men that exist today are a reflection of the women. Why would a man stay in a relationship and raise children that aren't his? Why are so many men paying child support for children that they aren't allowed to see or build a relationship? Why does the assummed parentage law make men pay child support for children they thought were theirs and later discover aren't. My grandfather worked for 6 months straight and came home 5 times. When he was finished he paid for the house that will be passed on to me. Let a man try that now. I think so many woman have been bread into this idea that we are suppossed to be dependent and we are supossed to be alone and we don't need a man to raise our children. It is good to be self sufficient, but were are not suppossed to be alone. I can take care of myself and my sons financially,but I can never fully treat them how to be men. I can do all these things but my life is so blessed and so fulfilled because I have someone to do that with. My grandfathers, father an uncles taught me how to take that cape off give that "S" on my chest over when the time came. The men that are the strongest and bravest keep our alley clean, they buy ice cream for the kids on the block that don't have money, they re the ones that keep the drug dealers off their blocks and make the watch out for the kids. The ones you never see on the news, in the paper
      The injustice that so many woman cause our children is believing a pay check can substitute a parent....being gold diggers....not being supportive and not making wise decision....ie how many childrn by different men must you have before you reaize the problem here is you? C don't take this as lahing out at you personally cause it's not. I just know every situationand,every story has an untold side. I just hope some brother someone reads this and knows I know your struggle and I know what u're up agaist. I wish woman appreciated real hustlers...the ones that feed their families off of barely nothing and always keep shyt a float...instead of the ones rocking the flyest gear and pushing a new whip...

    • At Friday, January 12, 2007 12:02:00 PM, Blogger C Love "The Rap Addict" said…


      Thank you so very much for posting. I want you to know that at no time while reading your comment did I feel you were lashing out at me. This "essay"/ journal entry is in no way comprehensive....this is just how i was feeling on 1.11.07. I am going through a lot right now looking at the news and seeing the number of murders in baltimore city.

      I have spoken on some of your points regarding the system being designed to fail them in the past....but when its black men killing black men in just about every case...that has little to do with society as a whole. To me...there is somthing going on within the black community and I am being revolutionary (IMO) in stating that im tired of the ish and want it to stop. We very seldom talk to our people. Why is it that Jesse talked to Krammer about saying aword that we KNOW some white ppl say when there are around there own... Yet, NO one has anything to say about the fact that there were over 270 ppl killed in our city last year.


      .....I too know men in similar situations to the ones you described.

      The sad thing is that there is no cookie cutter compliant against black people in general. Its not all black ppl. Many of us live within the realms of societal norms and have some type of spiritual base.....I am really starting to think that lots of ppl do not believe in God ,growing old or reciprocity.

      I was born in 1977 so I don't know how black people acted during the yesteryears ....40, 50, 60 or 70 when I hear black people appeared to have had more pride and set more long range goals. I grew up in a generation....where slowly but surly our regression as a people is almost to the point of being blatently obvious (to me).

      How is it that black people used to have their own strong banks, organizations, clubs, schools (I attended 2 historically black), etc. ..... and now? do we really have anything? after the elders that are maintaining these things now are gone......What? Who is prepared to keep that going? The "joe" that we've all been trained/brainwashed to picture when we hear black boy or black youth?

      I must admit....some of my people scare me.

      I want you to know that I love my people....why is it that black (and white people prolly) are the one ones that can't express that sentiment. Why is loving one thing an admission of hating something else? It kills me that everyone wants to act like slavery never happened. And if you can imagine or if you believe it happened.....black ppl CAN'T still be mad or affected by it????

      In America....money is king.

      When blatent racism became crass....a system was set up whereby money ruled.....so the forefathers of this new brand of oppression set up systems whereby its damn hard for a black person to get it.

      I know this...you know this....why is it that we don't make excuses for playing the game by the rules that govern this society? Why am I not allowed to make excuses?

      ...........obviously someone makes money off of black men dying and off of the ones rotting in prison......why else would locking healthy humans up for the rest of their lives, permanently marking their records for misdemeanors (I too almost lost a job because I forgot to mention that I had an open container charge on my record. I plead guilty to -just to get it ova- when i was 18. It sounds like I have a 40 or something....i was eating a Whopper in the MOndawnmin Subway station) or like you pointed out...take away a person's right to vote.

      A vote is very powerful. It determines where the money goes and who gets an audience.


      I could link to so many posts and forums where I have spoke up for black men and talked about how much richer the world would be if only he could get a chance....but on this day I felt like dishing out a lil tough love. I assume that you are a parent...I am not. I think this explains the difference and similarities of our comments....

      As black women...we have carried the brunt of all the weight of middle passage and the diaspora. We care about our men deeply ...that is why we haven't been able to really branch out and date other races in with the same ease as everyone else on this planet.

      ..we gave birth to this Earth...because of that...we share a connection to this world that I think few understand....

      I understand it because I feel it...I've visited the motherland and wept because I was so caught up in her beauty and purity and due to the anger I felt because of all the lies I'd been fed about what Africa is like and her people

      ...u have given birth and have felt life grow inside of you .......your baby is your precious contribution to this world...you legacy is through your child. I'm not there yet...Im still growing. I pray God bless me with the opportunity that he has given mothers and fathers. I don't think enough realize that they have been entrusted with an awesome responsibility. This is at the root of what I am talking about when I mentioned the black family.

      fathers are needed....mothers are needed ...but if a mother does not feel like a woman (I think men contribute to this significantly - don't beat me my lesbian friends)...how can she be a good mother?

      I can't tell a grown ass man how to act, but what i can do is not make it acceptible to be lazy or keep making excuses for what all of us know to be true about the world we live in.

      How do I work with a man....when I need someone to work with me?

      If im struggling to put food in my fridge how much understanging of one's situation am I supposed to take? Been dere......man coming to my house eating all the time and never bring even a jug of juice with him?

      Please teach me how to be more understanding......someone? How do I inspire a black man to want more?

      The odds are staked against a black man.....and u r right ....as black women we should be more supportive....problem is....i think we have become enablers.

      I go through a lot....I am tired....I watched my mother look tired....my grandmother cleaned houses for people in Guilford until she was 65 and always looked tired.....when is enough enough?

      We need black men to step up....if you don't have a job....the neighborhood you live in should be clean as hell..what else you have to do all day? LOL! sad, but true

      Thanks sis!

      and Tash....Love ya gurl!!!

      I often wonder too how jewish people were able to do it. We too went through a Holacaust yet we are ashamed...why isn't the Amistad movie as reveared as Shindler's List? That movie showed black Afrians....our ancestors...fighting back against injustice and winning. Why we don't want to see that is the reason that we a screwed.

      I know that u are going to be a person to expose the real...you are already well on your way.

      We need to plan something BIG!!!! Like city wide!

    • At Friday, January 12, 2007 12:07:00 PM, Blogger C Love "The Rap Addict" said…

      ANON....you really dropped some jewels...i really feel your point of view

    • At Friday, January 12, 2007 3:24:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

      The writer of this is so nieve. We are the only people still living in the land of our holocaust so what do you expect.

      You also seem to have brought the entire subject of economics and home buying to a couple of paragraphs. So that lets me know that you will not be buying a quality piece of property anytime soon.

      Why not use every ounce of your brain to furthering the mission. Instead of pointing fingers. I demand that for every paragraph you have written here you follow up with real material for the people that read this blog to become enlightened by.

      Mix some "how" with your "whys". Balance the picture a little bit.

      Look for a real detailed response to this soon. People like you get me heated.


    • At Friday, January 12, 2007 4:25:00 PM, Blogger C Love "The Rap Addict" said…

      This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    • At Friday, January 12, 2007 4:39:00 PM, Blogger C Love "The Rap Addict" said…

      Anonymous said...
      The writer of this is so nieve. We are the only people still living in the land of our holocaust so what do you expect.

      I understand your point .....but naive? WOW! that was harsh. How about giving a sistah a lil credit for being open to dialogue on this touchy subject - at all.

      We were not engaged in an indept conversation about the differences and similarities of Jewish people and black people.....of course there is much more to that topic. That is not even a topic that I would even attempt to speak on without doing homework...until recently...Id never really thought about the concept.

      You raised a very good point...living and having to evolve in the country in which you were enslaved would pose a considerable amount of difficulty when trying to "get over" what has happen to you. Again....I've never given any deep thought to the ramifications of that.

      In many ways......this is what is occuring in Irac. The oppressed are now in power and so its considerably difficult to just move on with life particularly when you aren't equipped to govern nor over your hurt and anger....there is no plan for healing.

      You also seem to have brought the entire subject of economics and home buying to a couple of paragraphs. So that lets me know that you will not be buying a quality piece of property anytime soon.

      did that make you feel good to say that to me?

      You know nothing about me or my finances....so how could you possibly come to that conclusion.

      I know that the odds are stacked against the average, but not me. You are wrong....I will be buying a house in the near future. Quality? what does that mean???

      Of course there is a lot more to buying a home than what I mentioned in this post or any of my previous on homebuying. Perhaps I will create a comprehensive home buying post, but not on this site.

      Why not use every ounce of your brain to furthering the mission. Instead of pointing fingers. I demand that for every paragraph you have written here you follow up with real material for the people that read this blog to become enlightened by.

      There are plenty of books that I could recommend about the home buying process....

      a great place to start is the livebaltimore.com site. From there, I'd suggest folk google topics like "Baltimore Gentrification"...."Baltimore real estate"....."Old West Baltimore" "Upton" or any of the other neighborhoods in Batimore that anyone may be interested in living in.

      As for action......since you are of the opinion I am all talk...I can only take it one day at a time. I can only do what I am instructed or inspired to do. I am willing to put my money where my mouth is.....I want to help make the community around me a better place. Don't shoot me because I just got here and you've been here a bit longer. What are you doing??...maybe I can offer you some assistance.

      If you know ways that I can better help...please let me know? I am all ears. I am not the enemy .....maybe a lil ignorant, but definitely with the program.

      Mix some "how" with your "whys". Balance the picture a little bit.

      Look for a real detailed response to this soon. People like you get me heated.


      I love that I get you heated. YES!!!! You've singlehandedly made my day.

      also too...I must inform you ...this is an online diary .....I express my feelings and present information on here moreso than strategies or how to. Some of the stuff I post about is downright stupid. I use this to vent....it just so happens that total strangers read and don't realize this is one facet of my personality.

      I am thinking about starting a home buying and credit blog.....
      I pray that you will follow that one...so that you can rejoice with me when I finally get my new home. Maybe you'll buy me a housewarming gift...LOL!

      Thanks for giving me some idea of how this post came across. Disrespect or put down was not my intention....I call myself keeping it real (as real as I currently know)

      I would love for an elder to chime in on this one.....

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