A friend [who will remain nameless] accidentally broke my camera ova the weekend. I will be back in biz in a few. In the meantime....Ima post some random thoughts I found when clearing some space on my hard drive.................. *
(2004) - Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Guys? *
Baltimore is very ghetto fabulous and I guess I was caught with trying to keep up with the Joneses. When I was in high school and college I wouldn't give any of the guys I went to school with the time of day. At the time I really didn't see the point in dating someone that was wasn’t “paid”. Call me naïve. I was so programmed to think that the man for me would be "X" (what ever it was at the time). I was broke so what was I going to do with someone that probably had less than I did. I now wish that I would have known then all that I know now. I always wondered if the lessons that poor girls are taught are different from those taught to little boys. I think in many ways black girls are raised to be opportunist and to see a man as a way to change their current situation. It’s not until we look at our selves that we ask our self, "How long do I plan to prostitute my self"? *
I think that many professional women that grew up as I did have been through it all by the time they reach 30. Most will have dealt with a baller, a college boy, an older men, and some may have even dabbled with a girl or two before they are seriously ready for a stable relationship. Since you've already gone through the phase where you put up with stuff that you otherwise would not have been bothered with because you got a bill paid or got a new coat, you refuse to do it now that you have your own. You may not have every little thing you want, but you can damn sure buy every thing you need. I think most men in general mistake that the confidence that an independent woman exudes is arrogance or egotism, but usually it is a shell that has been developed over years of dealing with different types of men and getting the same result. I refuse to put up with crap because I don't have to. In life only a mother will love a bum unconditionally. Just like men expect black women to give them a break and stop being so mean, we need the black men to start being a little more understanding. It is hard for us. We work so hard just to get a little piece of something. The sad reality that we face is that it is not guaranteed that you will get a man to take care of you. When I say take care of you I am not talking about financially only. I am talking about protecting our feelings, caring for us if we fall ill and respecting us as the mother of this planet. *
What most people fail to realize is that all women want what they perceive to be a good man. Depending on your exposure, the neighborhood drug dealer may be the most appealing thing in sight. Ever wonder how a man with nothing legitimate can be a with a woman that is so on the ball? Usually its because that is all the woman has seen all of her life, these are the only kind of men she is used to dealing with and her expectations aren't really high. After holding out so long for a good guy you start to wonder if you are still attractive. I know that you shouldn't need anyone else to validate you, but it makes a woman feel like a woman when a man shows interest in her --at least every once in a while. I have so many guy friends that tell me the reason that guys are probably intimidated by me. Is that my probably or there's? Most guys either live under a cloud of prevailing hopelessness or they've bought into the notion that its okay for them to be a man whore. I have come to the realization that being a good woman is not enough. There are several good women to every man. Dating is like a high school gym class--men being the ones choosing teams. I feel like I am always being picked last because I don't try to do "sexy". My typical style of dress is very conservative. If I am sexy it is not because I am trying to be. Most men expect you to be sexy all the time. The kicker is that most men aren't sexy all of the time. There are SO many double standards when dating black men. *
Ever ask your self, "Why do good girls like bad guys?". I call myself a good girl because I did all the things a young lady is supposed to do. I graduated form High school, went on to finish college, landed a job with growth right out of college and I've never been pregnant. I can relate to the struggle of the professional black male that had humble beginning. I was always an around the way girl, but I did it with class. I need a man who has a similar background because I could respect him. Many of my colleagues give off the impression that their degrees entitle them to act uppity and many of them are from the hood. I can't forget where I came from because it is so much a part of me. I can't be with someone that doesn't remember playing its in the street or buying frozen cups or summer time block parties (or similar experiences) and be happy. Not that I do any of these things now, but I have to know when I reminisce on these events my man can feel me. Pressure makes diamonds and I think struggle and sacrifice build character. * * Just naw on dat for a shake! I know .........I know... it has nothing at all to do with rap, .............but its my life & I am Hip Hop! Its all relative! * * This is funny to me [2006] because much of the last paragraph is hogwash.....just gimme a man with a good heart, respect for my grind and willingness to be strong when I am weak. Ive simplified my list of demands...LOL! no wonder my high maintenance ass didn't have a man Lata yall! |
