A Day in the Life of a Hip Hop Heroine: Don’t hate the player….hate the game!

Less than perfect -- That notion has always really struck a chord with me. I love Hip Hop because imperfection is celebrated. I see the joy, pain and frustration on the faces of the people I meet on a daily basis. People really take this music/lifestyle seriously. I've found that the best artists have lived the most complicated lives. It is through conflict… that people become individuals. The most entertaining artists and cultural icons (IMO) are the most unique characters. That is what we celebrate!!! I know many of you have read something somewhere in your life or you are living proof that the least popular people in High School often times end up living the most well rounded lives. For me....being involved in the scene is therapeutic...because for everything that makes me feel self conscious at my day job....there are 2 things that make me feel empowered when im in the streets.

When I look back over my time as a Hip Hop promoter/Freelance publicist….I can honestly say…this is the most interesting time of my life. I am in a position now where I know what I like, what I don’t and the type of people I need in my cipher. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t quite figured out how to get toxic people out my life once they are intertwined (is there a pill for separation anxiety?) nor have I figured out how to successfully navigate the canal between “socially correct” and comfortably detached with new people, but I am growing by leaps and bounds daily. I am an Aquarius…. It is hard for me to stop and pay attention to the people around me at a given time. I am just so focused!

When I first started going out to shows, the only female fixture was Kelly Connelly of Music Monthly. No, Im not name droppin...LOL! I thought she was so gangsta…she would be up in all the spots dolo and everyone showed her love and she obviously felt safe amongst all these ruffians, but more importantly...she helped me to see the beauty of the situation. She gave me courage. She also makes me want to upgrade my cameras. I so envy people with good cameras. Being a female was for once in my life an asset. Brush off the dirt…Baltimore is a Rembrandt. I feel so great when people tell me I’ve done the same thing for them (no body has made any comments about my picture taking ability yet). It's amazing when positivity becomes infectious.

I am so glad to see that the ladies are really stepping up in Baltimore and making moves. IMO we are the most qualified to lead the scene in the proper direction. The ladies of Baltimore Hip Hop (the collective was much more diverse, but Hip Hop was the nucleus) got together this weekend for an informal meet and greet. Although, I was unable to attend, I hope that one of the ladies will give me a full run down of what I missed. I’ve gleaned from different message boards that something major is in the works. That is so great! I mos def want to do my part. I’ve been saying from the beginning that the ladies were gonna end up running this mutha! As noted in the Baraka Boys film- 75% of black males in Baltimore do not graduate from High School….so you wonder why things have been so jacked up for so long. LOL! This is no slight to my brothers who have been doing their thang on the Hip Hop scene for years (Big Ups! Team Fifty, Crooked Streets, Elements Party, etc.), but the female word of mouth game is a whole nother beast!!! If you only would have gotten one of us on board sooner….shit could have BEEN poppin…LOL! I love the ladies..nothing is gonna change dat!

Perception is everything. Until Baltimore artists and the people conducting business behind the scenes are viewed as legitimate business people, no one is going to spend (customer) or invest major dollar$ in the scene we are building. I think that people need to stop giving the word “Hate” power. Baltimore people (especially) need to delete that from our collective vocabulary. Its not as bad as people think it is…a lot of it is simply passing the buck. As I’ve noted before, this city is anchored by 2 HBCUs with numerous other schools in the surrounding area populated with thousands of youngsters (unbiased) looking for something to do…a new sensation. Reaching them takes alot of work....how can you have time to worry about people around you? If Baltimoreans are crabs… focus on out of towners. That's what I do!! Baltimore is known for the [historically] crab like manner in which rising stars are treated….Rich people [industry types] are afraid to come here because they will be robbed…..We are the first ones to write off our performers that fall off...women don’t get along (in general, not just in Baltimore or Music), etc. I am all about dispelling myths. I choose to not spend energy on why or if people like me and spend what free time I have on convincing new people Baltimore Hip Hop is the shit. That is my niche’. Hate it….I love it!!! We can all become rich…fility, dirty, stankin like “you aint bathed in a week” rich..... if people would spend more time on actually accomplishing goals and less on proving if a person is “wedding invite” material. WHO CARES IF C Love is "Ms goody 2 shoes"??? IM NOT- works done! why spend energy trying to prove that? I promise to never spend time slandering someone publicly. That is not how I was raised. I am too old and have spent too many years making money for others. I love me my day job, but I live for the day when I can eat off of my creativity and willingness to get up an hour before my competitors. I see so much potential in Baltimore…we all just need to disregard personality differences and focus on our respective pieces of this magnificent puzzle. I definitely feel that I can make a few things happen if supported and not judged by isolated incidents. Sheesh! Everything that has been said to me about Baltimore…has not all proven to be true. I have met waaaaaay more good people than crabs…. & there are some very nice women in B’more that I admire and hope to continue gettin money with them. When I stopped focusing on the people I knew and started spreading my message in circles where I am not known …I was so much more successful…the struggle became so much more enriching. At the end of the day….it takes too much energy and is too heavy a burden to carry around worrying about the "hate" people direct at you. Many people are just angry and don’t know why- misery loves company.

In recent weeks….I had to sit back and accept the realization that not everyone is going to feel everything I do - No matter how pure my intentions. As a individualist and First Born….I don’t seek counsel before making decisions. I approach situations head-on and see through GREEN $hade$. It hurts when people misunderstand my motives. My aggressiveness would be celebrated if I were a man, but is shunned and harshly critcized because I am the woman who calls herself the Hip Hop Ambassador. Here I am thinking that …as long as I don’t publicly disrespect or hinder someone's progress in anyway- I am living righteously. I am going to say this one time…please don’t hold this against me….I am not here to save the day. I teach people how to fish. That is way too much pressure to put on any one person. I need some help with that responsibility. I genuinely have love for all of mankind…but it wouldn’t be real for me to act like I am going to burn myself out helping people that don’t help themselves. You gots to feel me!! I am showing people how to make money off of their music…can I accomplish one mountain size task before Im given the task of making everyone feel like Im on their team?

More and more people are starting to add statements to thier posts, drops and when closing out their performances like, “Bmore Stand Up” and “Let’s End the Crab Sh*t and Get Money”….& all that is great, but are we really ready for that? I am referring to people that think that “family” aren’t going to fight…or think that because you don’t like your neighbor you are allowed to post a sign on their front lawn...or the people that like to tell other people what THEY aren't doing. There can be no unity without loyalty and respect. If we cannot have a spat amongst ourselves without it turning into people drawing their lines in the sand…its never gonna work. Also, you have to decide which battles should be fought privately and which ones have to handled in a public forum [witneses are required]. If you aren’t REALLy ready to totally dead a relationship …you need to think about what you say before saying it. Not everyone is so willing to get over it when slighted. You can dislike anyone you so choose, but if Unity is the goal, that fact is better left between you and that person [if you absolutely think they need to know].

I am overall very professional and generally a “for the people” kinda gal, but don’t get it twisted- I will slap the shit out of a person for disrespecting me when I didn’t throw the first blow. As the saying goes -- You can take a person out the ghetto, but you can’t take the ghetto out of them- I guess that applies to me as well! I don’t engage in verbal catfights with women. Haven’t gotten into a good one [with a girl] since high school (what up, Kiah Myers)….That is one funny ass story!!! If I say something to a female…it is not a ticket ..its an invite (good for 2). Picking on innocent people is not how I want to gain my stripes…I hate fighting/bickering/emotional situations, but I will not be pushed - I am already close to the edge. I am this way b/c I work too hard to set a good example of a women being successful in a male dominated business & b/c of that ALONE you will not disrespect me- PERIOD. Ima put it out there (Im far from perfect): I have been known to go at it with a dude online…but with women…I say what I have to say and leave as it is. I oftentimes think people see the strength I exude and that makes me a target. I am not out to prove I am big and bad just WOMAN enough to be the boss. I live to fight another day......I live to say it another way!!!